hotel room ftw
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
