Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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