last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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