At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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