Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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