so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
