my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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