My liver just broke up with me...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
birth control should be required to get into college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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