First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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