This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
