don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
