She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
