i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
