Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
