Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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