Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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