Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You've changed since you got that strap on
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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