We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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