He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize