STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this boner is exhausting
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
