dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
