i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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