If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
