I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
