I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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