i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
