I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
