I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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