I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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