Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize