My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
