maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
