For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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