woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
