No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
