Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
