Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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