i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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