can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
