take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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