The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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