Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize