My first STD was from a foam party
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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