24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
