I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
