I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
