What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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