420 ftw
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
