Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
