what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
