CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
