did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
