Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
