My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sarcasm needs its own font
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize