I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
