dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
