don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
