the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
