We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
