I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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