I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
false alarm, still single
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
