If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
