your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
