you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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