the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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