i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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