the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
