What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
and you fell through a lawn chair
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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