I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
