found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
