My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
