can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
