i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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