"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
