I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
