When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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