my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
