then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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